signs!

So I've noticed two signs lately that I thought deserve mention on here. The first (and I will try and add a picture later) was one I parked next to when I was in Fredericksburg last Friday with my friend Andrea. Now, I have long held that Fredericksburg, VA is THE cutest down in America, and I challenge you to visit and not agree with me. Andrea became a believer after our little afternoon at Sammy T's. Can't visit but want more proof? Here is what the sign said:

City of Fredericksburg Department of Public Education
(and underneath)
Word of the Month
(and this is the WOTM that was hanging underneath the sign): Kindness

!!!

I think the world needs more signs like this. What an odd, but touching little message, no?

The second sign was not so uplifting. I was at the library, and spotted it on the community bulletin board. I took a photo of it with my phone because I just thought "Someone else has GOT to see this".

It said: "Do your child need tutoring in reading and math?"

Really? AND the best part was that it had little tabs at the bottom with the tutor's name and number, and all but 1 was missing! I thought to myself that I've just discovered an incredible market - 10+ people want to hire this person to teach their children! WHY am I not getting in on the action?

Durham Public Library Word of the Month: Proofreading

Life echoing art

When I log in to my ING account, I have to do the following:
1) type in my customer number
2) answer two questions like "who is your mother's mother" or "what was your high school mascot"
3) correctly identify my secret picture
4) correctly identify my secret word

I LOVE doing this - and i think it's because i LOVE obstacle courses. Always have - you can make up an obstacle course under virtually any circumstances, and as a kid, I did just that.

The ultimate obstacle course, of course (!!), is the one from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Indy has to 1) avoid getting his head chopped off by the crazy gauntlet of swords and blades, 2) spell out God's name (in GREEK - duh!), and then, my favorite part, 3) pick out Jesus's cup from the last supper. I freakin' love this part of the movie.

And every time I successfully traverse the minefield of my ING account, I feel a little like I am in that movie and just found the cup of eternal life.

fat tax

So I read in the paper today that NC is going to start implementing increased health insurance fees for state employees who smoke or who have a BMI over 40. How about that? I keep going back and forth on how I feel about this. Is it totally unfair? Does it discriminate about fat people and addicts? Does it discriminate against the poor who don't have access to healthy food and can't afford gym memberships? Or don't have anything but convenience stores from which to buy food in their neighborhood?

I was born with a high metabolism, and I'm naturally thin. I can sit around and eat taco bell all day and not work out, and sure, I'll pack on a few (anyone who saw me at the senior prom would know that!) but I won't get a BMI over 40 that's for sure. So how is that fair?

BUT, when I was filling out insurance info for my new job, I saw how men pay nearly HALF of what women pay for the insurance program at my office. It isn't until women reach 50 I think that they pay less than men. So obviously it's luck of the draw if you're born a man or woman, and that discrepancy is allowed - based on the cost of care.

If you're going to charge people more for voluntarily (quotes around that or no quotes) putting themselves in a position where they will likely require more medical care, why not bump up the charges when someone becomes pregnant? Seriously. That situation will definitely put you in the hospital.

Thoughts?

security

transition... transition. I keep hearing this word in my head to the tune of "Tradition" from Fiddler on the Roof. And I like to think that mine would be just a little easier if I had some Jewish grandma's nagging me or a joyful Papa in the barn. Alas.

So I am now in Durham, as of 9 days ago. I am in a beautiful old house, built in 1907 my new roommate tells me, in what I might describe as a "transitional" neighborhood. Prior to my arrival my roommate had a security system installed after a shooting at the nearby library freaked her out. (Um.. guys - you can put the guns down - the books are FREE) This thing is rapidly becoming the bane of my existence. This morning for instance, I came downstairs and squared my shoulders with the little meter on the wall and just stared at it. Is it OFF + code? Do I type the code first? If I pick the wrong one, will I get another chance to disarm or will the cops come? Should I wake my roommate up to ask her this? I finally decide the "safe" solution is to turn the thing off, and then turn it back on again so I can leave. Wrong option - I got out okay but when Clare got up, she set it off - doh!

At my old house, we had a tv, dvd player, dvr, xbox, and a wii all set up on an (I'm told) elegant and easy system with one remote for everything. You could watch regular tv, watch a recorded show, pull a Netflix movie up, play a video game, and access someone's computer files all using one remote, and while sitting on the couch with your feet up. Or at least that was the IDEA. For me, I nearly always had a problem with it. For example, there were three (3!!) seperate ways to turn up the volume (which was never loud enough for me... we Brandeses like it loud!). These were the tv volume, cable volume, and "auxilary" volume. Having lived with this system for over a year and having been trained on its use 20+ times, I admit I don't know how to turn up auxilary volume. Of course all of this hassle would only happen if I could actually find the remote. When I couldn't, I would throw an honest-to-god, if-this-ever-got-out-on-youtube-i'd-lose-all-my-friends tantrum while I tore apart the living room looking for it. Am I alone in this? NOTHING gets me fired up so fast, and so explosively like a missing remote - I suspect there are those of you out there who would admit the same.

So what's up with these buttons that leaves me so stumped? Have I become so used to having a little "answer bubble" pop up every time I see a button that they have lost meaning outside that context? Maybe it's button-overload. I like to think it's just that I'm a "people person", but I suspect it's that the buttons and codes just don't have enough tangible meaning for me to bother remembering them.

All I've been talking about today is shooting myself in the foot.

And I think I've about done it again with this blog. I keep thinking about things I want to share but then think "Oh, no, you shouldn't because that's offensive or could be detrimental if so-and-so read it." So by alerting everyone I know to the existence of this thing, I have (to some extent at least) defeated it's usefulness.

I think just to get some thoughts off my chest, however, I will share them on here - albeit in code. Think of it as "anonymousized" like they do on craigslist. Here they are:

1) I think I sincerely don't like AGs. When I see one, I think to myself "Well of course, another AG - figures!"
2) I think some people are going WAY to far in naming their children "creative" names - see me in person for the latest examples which I can't share here.
3) Well I have another one but it just won't make any sense at all without spelling it all out so I'll spare you. But if my mom wasn't reading this (maybe)... oh you'd better believe I'd be typing something! That sounds bad - it's actually just boring, not as titillating as you might think.

Okay - I'm delirious - took some sleeping pills since I have a cold and now I'm drifting in and out of consciousness. Excuse the above - better posts to follow I promise.

Eskimo kisses,
JB

August and Everything After, or perhaps, Einstein on the Beach

Wow... how the summer has flown by. I grapple as I try to remember exactly what I've been DOING all summer to make it fly as it has, and I land on: tennis, karaoke, dominoes, bus rides, and of course beans.

I have a theory about relativity. Not "the" Theory of Relativity, though I think mine is an example of that Theory in action. The real Theory (Einstein's) says that time is not constant, that it changes in relation to speed. Specifically, that the faster one goes, the slower time gets. Which doesn't really make sense to me because speed isn't a straightforward measurement but is a ratio, one of distance over - that's right - TIME. Apparently, the reason is because everything is constantly traveling at the speed of light through spacetime - so the combination of the speed of something's motion through space AND its motion through time always equals the speed of light. (Thanks to this blogger for answering that question for me!)

So my theory of relativity basically follows this logic and explains why time slows down when you're on vacation but speeds up when you're doing your daily routine. Here it is:

Supposition 1) Experiencing new or out-of-routine things requires more neural pathways to fire in your brain.

Spptn. 2) The increased pathways increases the distance that your thoughts must move around inside your head for you to think them (literally - "thoughts moving around" meaning electrical impulses firing inside your noggin)

Spptn. 3) To function normally with these longer pathways, your brain has to make them happen faster than normal - so your speed through space is increasing

Spptn. 4) To equal the speed of light with faster speed through space, you move slower through time.

The science of this is sketchy I know, but I definitely think that when you're really busy doing day-to-day stuff and time "flies by", that it is LITERALLY flying by.

This is all to say that I have been so overwhelmed by the day-to-day that now I feel summer is nearly gone. Is anyone still reading? Have I lost my only 3 followers? Should I instead be posting about how I hate the new Black Eyed Peas hit? (FYI - can't! Love it!)

tree countin'

In what I can only imagine MUST be some sort of record, Dad and I completed my entire section (D2) of the Durham tree inventory in about 2 and a half hours this morning! THANK YOU DAD! And we did it despite the fact that all we had for reference material was a copy of "North American Guide to Trees.... Western Region". Oops! Titles - does anyone actually read them these days? I certainly don't.

So that was worthless but evidently my dad not only knows the capitals of all the countries in the world but he also knows 85% of all tree species. Brilliant. We did discover a tree that neither of us recognized, but it's owner was drawn by our voices in the front yard and told us it was a Yellowwood.

If anyone is interested in helping in this all-volunteer effort, let me know and I'll hook you up with the Durham tree people who are running it.

I promised Dad I wouldn't get another section until I've found a job.

Now that's something to complain about

So this afternoon I was sitting on the couch looking for jobs (sort of) and Ian was sitting next to me watching a soccer game. I suddenly got SO hot and was having what I described to Ian (while I begged him, for the second time, to go get me an ice cream sandwich) as heat chills. He pointed out that I truly was experiencing extreme levels of suffering: hot flashes and no one to hand me an ice cream sandwich. Okay good point.

Then later today when I was walking home from the gym, I saw this squirrel walking towards me really weirdly - slow and with its legs all spread out. Then I noticed it was a she-squirrel b/c she had these big squirrel nipples, and THEN i saw that she was giving birth! An actual squirrel baby was halfway out her squirrel vagina. Um.... ?!?!?! I couldn't believe my eyes. And I couldn't take them off this lady squirrel who was walking around, pausing every few steps, and making her way through campus to go somewhere (don't they have nests??) and finish the job.

What struck me the most about this squirrel was that she was totally silent. There was no one with her, no ambulance or team of doctor squirrels. She was just doing her thing, though I had to think she was in a LOT of squirrel pain. Watching her just go about her business made me think about the ice cream sandwich and the hot flashes. I could sure have a lot worse things to complain about.

I'm invisible

My friend Sarah and I once high-fived over this proclamation when we were being completely ignored by this guy named Kevin. Sometimes, though, I like to pretend I'm invisible - namely when I'm on the bus. I just imagine that no one can tell I'm there, and it feels really nice - like I can do whatever I want and no one will notice, and I don't have to make eye contact with anyone or acknowledge when someone sneezes. The weird thing about the bus though, and how I KNOW I'm not actually invisible, is that no one ever sits next to me. When a bunch of people get on, I always pick up my bags and put them in my lap to free up the seat next to me, but no one sits in it. I have repeatedly noticed that I am the ONLY one with no one next to them! I don't know what to make of this, but if I was watching it happen in a movie I would probably feel sad for me. Maybe people notice all my stuff and so give me the room, or maybe I have an unfriendly vibe on the bus. Or maybe they're like "what's with Crazy over there pretending she's invisible?"

I also love to be invisible in gchat. What a great feature! But I talk to people anyways, and I wonder if they think I'm speaking to them from beyond the grave.

two guesses

Ian: Jess come here I want to show you something.
Jess: Is it a bug?
Ian: No, it's better than a bug.
Jess: Is it a kitten!

Apparently those were the only two possibilities I could think of. It was my diploma.

Talk about a pigeon hole...

So my Netflix is getting progressively "smarter" at telling me what movies I will like and which I won't. To the point where it no longer shows me how many stars a movie got on average, but how many stars it "thinks" I will give it based on my taste. Is that crazy? I think so.

Now it is showing me suggested genres. It started as the basics: sci/fi, romantic comedies, drama, etc. Now it is getting a little more specific - as in "Cerebral Military Movies based on real life". Apparently I like these. I'm unclear here why the first 3 words are in caps and the rest aren't. I evidently also like "Romantic British Movies Featuring a Strong Female Lead". Perhaps this genre is fully capitalized to not offend the Strong Females. Maybe Netflix heard about my tire....

time written

apparently these are posted in Pacific time? b/c its 4:23 here. Or else I'm in a time warp.

I am woman, hear me roar...

Today I successfully changed a tire all by myself! It took approximately 1 hour, and I got really dirty and really sweaty, but felt totally bad-ass.

The mystery flat was pointed out by 2 of my roommates. Don't know what happened, I returned from Terminator Salvation midnight show on Wednesday, and Thursday morning the back tire was a little puddle :( So today I gathered my courage and energy, and got a great tip about greasing up those bolts with oil (Thanks Marta!) and went for it.

It was really hard to get those bolts off, but I ended up jumping up and down on the lever-thing until they gave. The rest was easy, but I had to sit and watch an hour of Animal Cops: Houston to recover. Then take a shower. And my fingers are still pretty dirty.

So now what? Its all downhill from here....

Ground Control to Major Tom

So, I have been told that I need to feel that people are "witnessing my life". Which makes it sound like a crime... I don't think that's actually the real phrase so I shouldn't have put it in quotes but whatever. Hence, this blog. I can have the illusion that someone out there is hanging on my every word.

I hope this is easier than gmail, which I am STILL trying to figure out one year into it. And now for my first post about actual stuff.

Oh and credit to Jorge Garcia for his awesome blog (dispatchesfromtheisland.blogspot.com)that pushed me over the edge. And to the remarkable Pat McL. who informed me of such a wonder.